My life changed from being “ok” to despair and devastation within a week.
I really believed that my life and my world were ok. I had a house a husband, two beautiful children three dogs and a job. Looking back I knew there were cracks in my marriage, but nothing that couldn’t be sorted out. We had what I thought of at the time a pretty good social life. We had a large group of friends who when we met up socially we would have a “good time” drinking and taking cocaine. But it didn’t stop there for us as we began using on our own. I knew for a long time that we both had a problem but I didn’t deal with it, I ignored all the warning signs and my life started going downhill from there!
When I found out that Courtney had cancer I literally felt my world begin to crumble inside. When I was told that my son Jordan had cancer too, I was totally crushed and filled with terror. “You my dear have been dealt a double dose of bad luck,” I remember one of the doctors telling me, I couldn’t laugh at his comment or cry I just looked at him.
I had always liked alcohol, it “helped” me, and it gave me confidence. It made me feel like I “fitted” in. It also helped me cope with my emotions and feelings it also numbed the pain. They say you should keep your friend close and your enemies even closer. My friend “alcohol” beat me black and blue till there was no “me” anymore.
I can’t explain the physical and mental pain you feel when you lose a child, but I can say that a big part of you dies with them.
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