Who was Margaret? In second grade, her teacher discussed with a colleague a little poem she had written. Margaret overheard them, and squirmed at being singled out. In an etiquette and movement class that year, the teacher complimented her out loud for her graceful arm exentions. Margaret was a little embarrassed. But when her first grade teacher gave her a plastic holy card and note that said, "to my dear little Peggy for ranking first", Margaret had been speechless. No one had ever talked to her that way before.
Coming from a mostly negative home environment, Margaret's self esteem was
barely perceptible. She just knew she had to cling to the hope that she would survive...IF she played it safe. Safety meant not speaking her mind and not expressing her feelings. She felt almost guilty for being alive. Wasn't she a nuisance to her father? When he yelled at her mother to go back to HER mother, she froze at the question of what would happen to her, a helpless child. She lay awake one night in a hospital where her tonsils had been taken out, and softly cried that her family would desert her before she got home. She walked home on her first day of school to see if her mother was still there.
It seemed there was no safety, anywhere.
No safety to be Margaret.
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