Lendle

A gigantic collection of Consulting and other business jokes. Dave Malmberg has been collecting consulting and other business jokes for decades and this is a collection of the "Best of the Best." He has been a consultant – both internally within major corporations and externally as a Partner in several consulting firms. Dave’s consulting practice focuses on Information Technology, Supply Chain Management, Purchasing and Inventory ManagementFor more information, check out Dave’s web-site at www.malmberg-consulting.comDave has been collecting consulting and other great business jokes his entire career. Early on, his business colleagues started sharing jokes with him – verbally and via e-mail. This process has continued for many years. AMONG THE JOKES IN THIS COLLECTION ARE:THE CONSULTANT IN THE HEN HOUSETHE ONE-ARMED CONSULTANTWHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BE A CONSULTANT?DARK SUCKERSTHE CATDICTIONARY OF EVALUATIONONE CEO'S VIEWHOW MANY CONSULTANTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?TOP TEN THINGS A CONSULTANT SHOULDN'T TELL A CLIENTCONSULTANT BULL BINGOTOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOU'RE DATING/MARRIED TO A CONSULTANTACTUAL EXCUSES SHOWN ON CAR INSURANCE CLAIMSTOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOU'VE GOT THE CONSULTING BUGTOP TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR FROM A CONSULTANTBARNYARD STORYSOME GREAT INSULTSTHE SECRETS OF CONSULTINGTHE LAST MAYDAY PARADETHE FUND RAISING CAMPAIGNHOW MANY STATISTICAL CONSULTANTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?THE CONSULTANT'S SONA TRAVELING SALESMAN'S CAR BREAKS DOWNLOOKING FOR A GOVERNMENT JOBWIFE OR MISTRESS?ACTUAL PRODUCT LABEL INSTRUCTIONS:IF SCIENTISTS WROTE NURSERY RHYMESTHE COMMENCEMENT SPEECHBUREAUCRATIC GOBBLEDYGOOKTHE GREATEST INVENTION OF ALL TIMETHE CONSULTANT AND THE GENIEIMMUTABLE LAWS OF CONSULTING PROJECT MANAGEMENTA COMMUNICATION CONSULTANTFOUR SURGEONSTEN BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:THE CONSULTANT IN MEXICOCOMPUTER PROBLEM QUESTIONNAIRETHE RACECLIMBING THE ALPSMIS-ADVERTISINGCAR DILEMMATHE CONSULTANT AND THE SHEPHERDHOW TO TELL A BUSINESS MAN FROM A BUSINESS WOMANFAMOUS LAST WORDSSCHUBERT'S UNFINISHED SYMPHONYDR. SEUSS EXPLAINS WHY COMPUTERS CRASH:STRATEGIES FOR A DEAD HORSETHREE GUYS IN THE JUNGLESTAR TREK AFTER A LARGE CONSULTING PROJECTTHE RESTAURANT CONSULTANTTHREE ENVELOPESBRITISH MILITARY PERFORMANCE REPORTSTHE HI-TECH DICTIONARYOFFICE PRAYERSTATISTICIANS JOKESHOW TO WIN ARGUMENTSTHE DICTIONARY: WHAT MATHEMATICS PROFESSORS SAY AND WHAT THEY MEAN BY ITEXCUSES TO MISS A DAY OF WORKWHAT DOES YOUR PROFESSION SAY ABOUT YOU?MURPHY'S LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMINGCONSULTANT OR PROSTITUTE?THE ARTHUR ANDERSON PARTNERSUPERNATURAL LONGEVITYTHE ACCIDENT REPORTHOW CAN YOU TELL IF YOUR CHILD IS GOING TO BE AN ENGINEER?THE COLONEL AND THE POPEGREAT INSULTS AND/OR COME-BACKSCORPORATE ZODIAC - DILBERT STYLEHALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?NEW LYRICS TO BEATLES SONG - "YESTERDAY"CORPORATE FUNCOLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAYDILBERT'S 18 OBSERVATIONS ON LIFEJOB INTERVIEW TECHNIQUESNEW CORPORATE TRAVEL GUIDLINESHOW TO MANUFACTURE A PRODUCT - THE AMERICAN WAYTOP 25 ENGINEER'S TERMS AND EXPRESSIONSAUGUSTINE'S LAWSHOW MANY ECONOMISTS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?RESUME BLUNDERSSANTA CLAUS: A CONSULTANT’S PERSPECTIVEA MICROSOFT CHRISTMASTOP TEN WAYS THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF MICROSOFT BUILT CARS:ON THE GOLF COURSEA YOUNG EXECUTIVEDO-IT-YOURSELF COUNTRY WESTERN SONGYOU AND YOUR BOSSTHE CONSULTANT AND THE ACCOUNTANTWHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?CONSULTANT HAIKUEVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW, I LEARNED IN CORPORATE AMERICATHE ORNITHOLOGIST'S GUIDE TO CONSULTANTSSALESPERSON'S QUIZWORST ANALOGY CONTESTCONSULTING PROJECT – TYPICAL STEPSDON’T USE CLICHÉSTACO BELL LAUNCHES NEW 'MORNING AFTER' BURRITOTHINGS NOT TO SAY AT A JOB INTERVIEWTHE ORNITHOLOGIST'S GUIDE TO CLIENTSWHY YOU SHOULD LEARN TO USE ALGEBRA