Two short plays/skits SMACKIN’ THE MONKEY and DEEP AND SERIOUS. In THE MONKEY, two old actors try to keep in shape by faking heart attacks in the park. It doesn’t work out so good. The sweet old lady steals the wallet from the actor faking the attack. The tough guy thinks the actor is having a bad trip and pops a white pill down his throat with unfortunate results. The tough guy has a foul mouth, so best to move on if that would upset you. A pointless, meaningless farce.
In DEEP AND SERIOUS, four people are hoping to join a playwriting group. The problem is that they are more for fun than serious playwriting, but think they can learn something if they join. They first write a funny skit, but decide that won’t impress the play writers, so they turn the skit into a deep and serious play. Not easy but they find a way. They figure when they put on their play, skit, farce, spoof, whatever, the playwriting group will either jump up and down in awe, or toss them out the door. Either way, they are going to have a lot of fun.
From SMACKIN’ THE MONKEY:
A park bench upstage center. A path runs across the stage in front of the bench. Jim and Robbie are old actors out of work and trying to keep in practice. Jim is sitting on the bench and appears lost in thought. Robbie comes down the, and sits down next to him. Jim looks up startled.
ROBBIE
(Puts on James Cagney gangster accent)
We’ll make this quick and easy friend. I need money. You got money. Gimmie!
JIM
Why should I do that?
ROBBIE
Because if you don’t, you gonna die.
JIM
Well bad luck fella. I only have 8 dollars.
ROBBIE
Gimmie!
JIM
You’d kill me for a lousy 8 bucks?
ROBBIE
I’d kill you just for fun. Gimmie!
JIM
What do I care. I’m a sick old man.
ROBBIE
Last chance. Gimmie what you got, or you’re a dead old man.
JIM
No.
ROBBIE
You’d die for a measly 8 bucks?
JIM
Why not? Hell of a lot better than dying in a hospital with tubes sticking out both ends. Anyway, you’re bluffing.
ROBBIE
Well---ya. I am bluffing. So, keep your lousy 8 bucks and live it up.
(Both straighten up and laugh.)
JIM
OK. That wasn\'t too bad. But your gangster accent was terrible.
ROBBIE
Whatchu mean terrible? I been to movies. I know gangsta talk. Cagney is my hero.
JIM
Cagney died a long time ago Robbie, and so did his accent.
ROBBIE
Whatever. So. What next?
JIM
How about a heart attack when somebody comes by?
ROBBIE
I don\'t know. What happens if somebody freaks and screams?
JIM
Then we pull a quick miracle and get the hell out.
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