From a leading screenwriter and the author of Moist, a comic mystery set in Hawaii in the tradition of Carl Hiaasen and Elmore Leonard
How to Host a Delicious Luau

  • Wear your best aloha shirt.
  • Build an imu (underground oven).
  • If you don’t have a pu’a kalua, substitue two haoles (guys from the mainland).
  • Don’t forget the poi.
        Welcome to sunny Hawaii, where the palm trees sway, the tropical breezes blow, and a gangland-style turf war is erupting. Joseph is one of the best chefs in Honolulu, but these daysthe opakapaka and ono aren’t the only things heating up. When a TV producer flies to the islands to film a pilot, a fight-to-the-finish breaks out over who will cater the shoot. Will it be Joseph and his hotheaded Samoan uncle, who have held a monopoly on the catering business for years? Or Big Jack Lacey, a trash-talking, lap dance-addicted stroke survivor from Las Vegas and his milquetoast son, a young man who wants to be a missionary but doesn’t know the position. As far as Joseph’s family is concerned, this is an invasion on par with Captain Cook, only this time the mainlanders have to be stopped before paradise is lost.

        With the Teamsters unwilling to take sides and the Sin City boys enlisting the services of an ecstasy-popping ex-Marine hitman, hope comes in the form of Francis, a gay TV-movie producer on a drug-crazed bender after a bad breakup.

        With the lines drawn and both sides preparing for battle, Joseph enlists the help of his bodybuilder cousin, Wilson, and Lono, a sweet-natured pimp. Ultimately their survival depends on the one thing Joseph’s good at: cooking. That’s when things go horribly wrong—or, depending on how you look at it, just right.

        Fast-paced and ribald, this uproarious and delectably dark comic thriller is a side of paradise that definitely hasn’t been endorsed by the tourist bureau
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